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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23181685">15x12 coda: what you don’t say</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/contemplativepancakes/pseuds/contemplativepancakes'>contemplativepancakes</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Season 15 codas [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Coda, Episode: s15e12 Galaxy Brain, First Kiss, M/M, dadstiel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 16:06:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,543</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23181685</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/contemplativepancakes/pseuds/contemplativepancakes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel has gotten used to being asked to stay behind. Sometimes it’s Dean, insisting he doesn’t need help on hunts that Cas knows would go more smoothly with an extra set of hands, and other times it’s Sam, thinking Cas would attract more attention than he’d make up for with his power, since Cas can’t count on his grace to always work anymore. </p><p>That fact weighs on him, pressing him so flat he can’t help but wonder if that’s the reason he’s no longer welcome on hunts. After all, he’s never been so worthless, now that he can’t be reliably counted on for the meager angelic abilities he has left.</p><p>Of course, nobody’s said anything of this to him, so he’s left to confront Dean for the real reason.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Season 15 codas [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1539418</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>138</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>15x12 coda: what you don’t say</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Castiel has gotten used to being asked to stay behind. Sometimes it’s Dean, insisting he doesn’t need help on hunts that Cas knows would go more smoothly with an extra set of hands, and other times it’s Sam, thinking Cas would attract more attention than he’d make up for with his power. He thinks sometimes Sam and Dean forget that he’s been alive since before mammals heaved themselves from the oceans and that he’s been a warrior for the vast majority of that time, much before they were ever even thought about. When he had commanded his garrison, he got used to not being on the front lines, to standing back and being witness to the bigger picture than just himself, but it still makes him itch whenever he’s sidelined. Sometimes they even forget he’s an angel who Metatron gave all of his pop culture knowledge to, and as such, knows his sports metaphors, even if he bungles them on purpose occasionally, just to make Dean smile.</p><p>Because of all his experience, he’s never fully understood why he’s not allowed to tag along on every hunt. However, he can see how antsy his presence makes Dean in the middle of dangerous cases, so he relents; better that than have Dean be so distracted he gets himself hurt, since Cas can’t count on his grace to always work anymore. That fact weighs on him, pressing him so flat he can’t help but wonder if that’s the reason he’s no longer welcome on hunts. After all, he’s never been so worthless, now that he can’t be reliably counted on for the meager angelic abilities he has left.</p><p>Of course, Dean hasn’t said anything of this to him; it’s not often that Dean doesn’t have a good excuse for asking Cas to stay behind. It’s become so much of a theme, though, Cas can’t help but think there must be some underlying reason as to why. When Jody calls in distress, saying she’s going to be dead if they don’t go after her, Castiel jumps up from his chair right next to Dean’s, setting his whiskey tumbler down on the table and wincing when a bit sloshes out. Dean follows suit, but he turns to raise his eyebrows at Cas. “Don’t you think you ought to, I don’t know, stay here? Who’s gonna watch Jack? I know you’re good with the whole eating hearts thing, and hey, I am, too, if that’s what you think, but we should probably keep a close eye on that, right?”</p><p>Castiel bites back a sigh. “Right.”</p><p>He watches as Dean runs to get Sam, snagging his duffel bag off a chair as he dashes by, and can’t help but be a little frustrated. He just doesn’t understand.</p><p> </p><p>After Sam and Dean leave the bunker, the door thudding shut behind them with a, “See you later, Cas!” thrown over Dean’s shoulder, Cas goes to look for Jack.</p><p>Cas finds him in his room, hunched over a lore book at his desk.</p><p>“What are you reading?” he asks curiously, but he doesn’t come closer to see for himself. Lots of the baby books he read with Kelly said privacy was important to developing adolescents, so Cas waits for Jack’s answer instead.</p><p>“It’s about the Grigori. I want to be better prepared next time.”</p><p>Cas doesn’t say that’s there so few angels left, it’s doubtful they’ll ever see a Grigori again. Instead, he says, “Sam and Dean left, so we have the whole bunker to ourselves. What do you want to do?”</p><p>“Dean got really upset the last time we messed up the kitchen, so we probably shouldn’t try a new recipe… Connect Four?” he asks hopefully.</p><p>“Let’s go, then.”</p><p>They set it up, and Cas makes sure he puts up enough of a fight that Jack won’t catch on that he lets him win the game. He’s only slightly that offended Jack thinks he couldn’t beat him in five moves if he wanted to, but the way Jack’s face lights up when he wins makes up for it. The things he does for love.</p><p> </p><p>When Sam and Dean come back with Jody and dark Kaia in tow, Kaia says her world is falling apart, that she needs Jack’s help to get back and save their Kaia that’s still stuck there. Everyone decides they have to get to apocalypse world as soon as possible. There’s a reaper, Merle, that’s materialized to keep an eye on Jack for Billie, so it’s no surprise to Castiel when Dean uses Merle as a ready made excuse for Cas to stay at the bunker.</p><p>But, he thinks, when he asks Jody to stay behind, because Claire couldn’t bear to lose both her and Kaia, that he might understand Dean’s motives a little more.</p><p>-</p><p>Later that night after everyone is home safe and sound, he seeks out Dean. He finds him laying on his bed in only his pajama pants, listening to his mp3 player, and he smiles at the way Dean scrambles to tuck it underneath him, like Castiel doesn’t already know it’s pink. “Can I come in?”</p><p>“‘Course, Cas.” Castiel closes the door behind him, and Dean sits up and sets his headphones on his nightstand.</p><p>“What’s on your mind?” Dean asks.</p><p>He might as well just come out and say it. Subtlety has never been Castiel’s strong suit, after all. “Am I a burden?”</p><p>“What? <em>No</em>, Cas, why would you ask that?” Dean splutters.</p><p>Cas shrugs, but a weight is lifted from his shoulders. If Dean doesn’t ask him to stay behind because he’s not helpful or wanted, that paves the way to more desirable reasons.</p><p>“Come here,” Dean says, reaching out to Cas. He takes one of Dean’s hands hesitantly, biting back a surprised gasp as Dean yanks him down to the bed, so they’re at eye level. “Seriously, why would you ask that? Is it something I said?”</p><p>Cas aches at the uncertainty wavering in Dean’s voice. “It’s more of what you don’t say. Why don’t you ever let me come along for hunts anymore?”</p><p>“What? That’s not true, you come with us all the time,” Dean protests.</p><p>“Yes, on the cases with training wheels that you find for Jack,” Cas scoffs, “Why couldn’t I go today? You had no idea what you were walking into to go find Jody, and even more so in apocalypse world.”</p><p>“Exactly! Cas, if I don’t have any idea what I’m walking into, how can I bring you? What if-” Dean cuts himself off, his eyes darting away.</p><p>“What if what?”</p><p>“What if something happens to you?” Dean finishes softly, looking up through his eyelashes at Castiel.</p><p>Cas finds himself inching closer, an urge coming over him to lean even more into Dean’s space and close the gap between them, but he waits. “Do you think it doesn’t bother me the whole time you’re gone, knowing something could happen, but I won’t be there to stop it? I <em>have</em> been a soldier for millennia, you know.”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah. Like you’d let me forget it,” Dean says with the tiniest hint of a grin before sobering quickly. “I just don’t like taking chances. How many times have you died on me now? Can’t go adding another one to the list.”</p><p>Cas shakes his head. “I think that’s my choice to make, not yours.”</p><p>“Look, you’re right, I know you are, but Cas, I just can’t lose you again.”</p><p>“There’s nowhere I would rather be than by your side, even if it comes to the worst. Maybe <em>especially</em> then,” Cas says earnestly, and then it’s Dean that’s trailing a fingertip over his cheekbone and ghosting his breath over Cas’s lips.</p><p>“Is this okay?” Dean whispers.</p><p>Cas doesn’t answer, just closes the distance between them with a tentative press of lips. He shuts his eyes and lets Dean guide the kiss, opening easily when Dean’s tongue licks along the seam of his lips. One of Dean’s hands come up to tug at his hair, the other on his waist, and Cas could really get used to this. Dean’s thumb rubs back and forth on the skin just above his slacks, and it makes Castiel feel warm and valued in a way that intimacies have never made him before.</p><p>Dean pulls away when Cas’s hand finds the button on his jeans. “Hey. There’s no rush. We have all the time in the world.”</p><p>Castiel can’t just forget about the threat of Chuck and the empty looming above their heads that easily, though. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” he says.</p><p>“I have faith that we’ll find each other no matter what happens,” Dean says, surprising Cas.</p><p>“Dean Winchester having faith? Never thought I’d see the day.”</p><p>Dean gives him a shove. “Only for you, don’t worry.”</p><p>Cas gives him a pleased smile, and Dean flushes, the pink spreading to his chest and providing a delightful contrast to his freckles.</p><p>“You wanna crash in here?” Dean asks, and Cas recognizes it as an offer to stay where Dean feels the safest, one of the places he values the most, and he’s honored Dean would invite him into his little sanctuary like this.</p><p>“I’d like that.”</p><p>He hopes he never has to leave.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hope you enjoyed! this came to me in my wondering of why cas didn’t go with them to get jody? Like I really don’t understand why they left Cas behind, so in my hurt and confusion at them limiting the time I get to see Castiel on the screen, this idea was born. (psst subscribe to my coda series/ tune in next week for a very probable coda of au dean hitting on our cas and cueing dean’s jealousy, if I can find a way to make it unique, because i think that’s going to be everyone’s extremely valid take)</p><p>as always, let me know what you thought and feel free to come find me on <a href="https://contemplativepancakes.tumblr.com/">tumblr!</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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